Style Three

The Performer

Threes have their eyes on the goal. These are people who love success and inwardly fear failure. They do whatever it takes to succeed.

Healthy Threes are hard working, ambitious, highly successful, charismatic, fast learners, efficient, productive and they make the business world go round. They will do whatever they are asked, their work is exemplary, often extraordinary, and they are usually found on the fast track and in high places. They set and meet goals with a flourish and they energize any group or staff.

If they become unhealthy they slip from being a success to appearing to be successful. This may entail some cutting of corners, viewing failures merely as learning experiences, telling the story with a few adjustments. Threes may take credit for others' work, hog the spotlight and over identify with their roles. They may also see themselves as an efficient machine and take little time for emotional and spiritual realities.

Threes you may know: Tom Cruise, Ken Lay, Arnold Swarzenegger, Demi Moore, Truman Capote, Cindy Crawford, Johnnie Cochran, O. J.Simpson, The CEO's of half the corporations in America, Oliver North, Sharon Stone, Anne Coulter, Oprah Winfrey, Tiger Woods.

Recognizing Style Three

  1. The central problem will often not be presented: they can be out of touch with their feelings. Their task is to remove appropriated (false) feelings and replace them with true ones, which they have but are unaware of them).
  2. They may be playing to an invisible audience.
  3. They may often have really rough mid-life crises.
  4. They may have a radical confusion between self and group.
  5. May have difficulty separating feelings and thoughts from roles. They may feel whatever role they play.
  6. They may just appropriate a school of spirituality or therapy instead of doing the inner work.
  7. They may conform too much to church or political party teachings. They think and feel with the community.
  8. They may want and depend too much on external signs of spiritual success.
  9. They may come after a devastating failure.
  10. They may have an image of God (or some absolute authority) as terribly demanding.

How You Can Help

  1. Invite them to move back into feelings when they talk about their work.
  2. Recommend bodywork in which there are no markers of success.
  3. Help them pay attention to their body. Feelings are linked to body states.
  4. Help them articulate feelings, especially of sexuality and anger.
  5. Help them acknowledge vulnerability.
  6. Help them notice their conflict between intimacy and achievement.
  7. Direct some of their energy toward social reform.
  8. Help them reframe their image of God or attitude toward authority.
  9. Find a group in which they must remain anonymous (like choir).
  10. Help them do things counter to image.