Business literature talks frequently about how people do not do what is in their own best interests. This seems “counter-intuitive” which is academic talk for stupid, but it really isn’t. What they discovered is that people have a “competing commitment” – an unacknowledged goal or principle that prevents them from doing what they – on the surface – want to do.
Here’s the deal: our enneagram style is frequently a competing commitment. If you are a 7 and have a goal that entails a lot of boredom or tedious work to reach that goal, your seven-ish desire for novelty, change and excitement will sabotage that goal. Our enneagram focus may or may not coalesce with our stated goals. When our enneagram goal conflicts with our stated goal, we often do what our Enneagram focus suggests.

Memorial Day was begun by mothers of slain soldier-sons. It was a protest against war. But the war symbols are so powerful and prevalent in the US that it has degenerated into war worship under the guise of honoring veterans.
Symbols like music, uniforms, weapons and other instruments of testosterone create a narrative out of which a nation lives. The symbols of war are enormously powerful. Our Enneagram style is held in place by (usually) private symbols that enrich our narrative. To deepen our knowledge of the story we act out of, we might catalog some of the symbols we hold dearest and hold us clearest. This is an emotional exploration every bit as much as a syllogistic task. If you had your flag in your yard, what would it convey? And do you have t -shirts that double as flags?

Many people try to explain their enneagram style by thinking about their early childhood. In some cases this may be helpful in shaping “how” we are our number: totally entranced or just a bit too enthusiastic about some things and averse to others.
But a philosophical problem can often underlie this: the belief that we can explain a current situation by its origin. I love the story of the mother who called her wayward daughter on her wedding day and told her “Yes, I am to blame for all your problems, but guess what –you’re in charge and the only one who can do anything about them.”
She pointed to the inherent alligator in blaming or even explaining the past: it takes away our power. The past proves quite intractable, whereas the present is potent. Science uses historical research to explain how things got this way, but that is fraught with danger, too.  Science tends to explain our inner life by neurons or hormones.  Your personality is not “because” of your bad digestion or genetic allergy to cats. It’s more complex than that.
I don’t like Dr. Phil, but I do borrow his theatrical phrase, “How’s that working for you?” Instead of looking back to explain what our life doesn’t work quite right, we need to look at the present and see what is working. Then we can move into the present and make some crucial decisions. Decisions are how we create futures.

A lot of psychological tests use questions with blanks. “The world is ———- . This can be helpful.
Every Enneagram habit has an implicit model of the universe. You’ve all had the experience of someone saying, “I can’t tell her that, she can’t heard it.” Your information does not fit into her model.
So fill out the blank above. The world is a __________ place. Or “My goal in life is to _____________.
Now see how well the correlates with your understanding of your Enneagram style.
Then, but this is more complex, you might ask yourself, “the story of my life is_____________. Every Enneagram style has a corresponding narrative. What’s your story and how does it fit you model of the universe?

If you want to understand your enneagram style, an important marker will be the information that you let into your life. We all, to one degree or another, value our inner freedom. But if we keep exposing ourselves to the same genre and quantity of information, that information structures our thinking and our ability to make certain choices.
Aristotle said things were studied best in their extreme forms so I’ll give you a public example. Some nice people listen to the hate/fear messages of Limbaugh, Fox News, Savage etc. and the Tea Party –which holds mostly nice people — holds and promotes remarkably destructive ideas. The head of the senate commission on the environment denies climate change, for example. Bill Maher calls this the Republican bubble. That’s too sweeping, it is only the lunatic fringe. But he has highlighted an important part of all of our neurosis: we keep out and we allow a narrow range of information.
But none of us get off the hook. Whatever information we allow into us influences us. Look at your library, your bookmarked sites and your favorite shows. That becomes an ego-state, especially if your information reinforces your enneagram style. I coach sixes, for example, not to watch the evening carnage called news.
To increase your freedom, carefully monitor and evaluate your information habits and see if they show a remarkable resemblance to your enneagram preferences.

The answers to many personal and political problems is usually clear, simple and wrong. A favorite way for our egos and our communities (local and federal) is to take a complex and frustrating reality and divide it into two mutually dependent polarities. “I am right because you are wrong” works well in groups.
But sometimes the polarity, as in the case of our enneagram style, is within us. Many of our enneagram fixes are like a tree held up by two opposite ropes. If I’m a Four, I can’t get recognized because I would have to sell out to be intelligible to the masses. But my uniqueness needs to be recognized. So I both crave and fear recognition.
If I am an 8, I feel vulnerable inside so I work for justice for the weak and oppressed. I am on the side of the lowly, while at the same time I exercise my own power to the fullness, often making the people around me feel quite oppressed.
All forms of egotism are devoted to simplicity and control. My favorite giveaway line from people who simplify with a vengeance is “well,all I know is,” with which I kindly agree.

Last week President Obama took a small pay cut to show his solidarity with those who suffered from the sequestration (the drastic cuts in government spending as a result of congress not being able to agree on how to pay for stuff).
And Pope Francis wore a wooden crucifix instead of the traditional gold one and moved into more modest quarters.
Immediately, writers deprecated these two acts as “merely” symbolic and called for “substance” and “structure,” and others thought them foolish.
If you can only think literally (science is the only knowledge and fundamentalism is legitimate religious language), that’s the kind of reaction we can expect.
But symbols are powerful, having the ability to change hearts and minds and in the long run bring about lasting change.
When I coach, I do not require some kind of conversion, I don’t exact Spartan discipline. Rather, I employ symbolic change. It is more often possible, unobtrusively effective and clients are willing to do it. In an earlier blog I wrote about the woman who changed her entire way of taking care of her appearance and wardrobe by applying bright red lipstick. The lipstick was symbolic and little by little she made significant change.

I attach a traditional coaching article on how to solve any problem.

Be A Hero: Five Steps to Vanquish Any Problem
March 28, 2013

If you don´t see yourself as part of the problem, you cannot be part of the solution.
Every culture teaches this through a similar story. Joseph Campbell, anthropologist and advisor for Star Wars, called it “The Hero with a Thousand Faces.” The hero starts his journey feeling at the mercy of external circumstances. By the end, he realizes he is in control of his destiny. He knows that he can choose how to behave, learn and grow.
Teaching accounting at MIT, I saw how numbers shape perceptions. Coaching leaders all over the world, I learned how stories shape lives. Good stories inspire you; bad stories disempower you. The worst stories are the ones that have you as a victim.
Heroes are not just mythical characters. They are examples of you at your best. Here are five suggestions to always remember who you are.
1. No problem — Take the challenge
There is no such thing as a problem. What you call “a problem” is not a thing independent of you, but a situation you don´t like. It is “a problem for you.” To deal with it more effectively, put yourself in the picture. Think of it as your challenge. Take the difficulty as an opportunity to show your true colors.
I often catch myself saying, “the real problem is…” followed by the thought, “…that you don´t agree with me!” Equally often, my counterpart argues that “the real problem is…” that I don´t agree with him. Unless we recognize and give up these bad stories, we will each push hard to overcome the other. Push versus push equals stuck: a very expensive stalemate where we both spend tremendous energy for no result.
2. Drop “Who’s responsible?” – Be response-able
You didn’t do it. So what? You are suffering from it. People and things are out of control. It is tempting to blame them and play the part of the innocent victim. Don’t. The price of innocence is impotence. That which you blame you empower. Become the hero of the story; focus on what you can do to respond to your challenge.
The inspiring question is not, “why is this happening to me!” but “what is the best I can do when this happens?”
I once coached a financial services executive who would always blame external factors: regulation, competition, the economy, his employees, his boss, his peers. All these forces did impinge on his goals. It was the truth, but not the whole truth. The truth that he refused to accept, the one that blocked his growth, was that he was able to respond to these forces.
3. Forget what you don´t want – Focus on what you want.
Consider an issue that troubles you. What would you like to have happen? I ask this every time I coach. Infallibly, I learn what my client would like to not have happen anymore. This is a bad end for a hero´s journey. Avoiding what you don´t want will take your energy away from achieving what you do want.
Your brain doesn’t compute “no”. What you try to avoid you unconsciously create. If you don´t believe this, try to not think of a white bear right now and notice where your mind goes. Define a positive outcome precisely. Ask yourself, “What do I really want?” and visualize it in as much detail as you can. This will force you to put some flesh on the conceptual bones. Furthermore, ask yourself, “How would I know that I got what I wanted? What would I see? What would I feel?” In this way you will be sure that your vision has observable standards by which to measure success.
4. Take one eye off the ball – Go for the gold.
It’s not about hitting the ball; it’s about winning the game. Set your mind on what you are ultimately trying to achieve. Build a chain from means to ends, taking you from getting the job, to advancing your career, to feeling professionally fulfilled, to being happy. The ultimate goal and measure of success is happiness.
“What would you get, if you achieved X, which is even more important to you than X?” Ask yourself this question and discover that you never ask for what you really want—and neither does anybody else. We all ask for what we think is going to give us what we really want. Have you ever bought set of golf clubs hoping they would make you play better? And what would you get, if you played better, which is even more important to you than playing better?
5. Failure is not an option – Succeed beyond success.
Commit fully to achieve what you really want. Know that you deserve it and give it your best. This will make you more likely to get it. Success, however, is not the most important thing. To be a hero, pursue your goal ethically, as an expression of your highest values. Success may give you pleasure, but integrity leads to happiness.
Don’t aim at success–the more you aim at it and make it (your final) target, the more you are going to miss it. For true success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself. Listen to what your conscience commands you to do and carry it out to the best of your knowledge.” — Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning.

This fine traditional advice has to be balanced with an equal emphasis on avoiding “blaming the victim.” When our political system, as broken as it is, and our financial system, as corrupt as it is, blaming the victims by seeing them as responsible and not holding the corrupt banks as responsible, it is cruel and ignorant to blame the people hurt. The rugged individualism that says we can overcome any obstacle is socially destructive. We are all being destroyed by the climate change and an individual is often the victim but is not responsible. Telling the residents of New Jersey they are part of the problem of superstorm Sandy is way too individualistic.
I wrote a book on weight loss. I was careful to include both personal responsibility and the information that our food supply is not reliable. You control what you eat – that’s the responsible part. But the toxins, pesticides, antibiotics, steroids,  interesting chemical experiments and pink slime you don’t know about are equally important.
When I coach, I think it important to shy away from the kind of heroic talk and the almost absolute individualism that underlies it. No matter how many commencement speakers tell the graduates they can be anything they want, I don’t tell that to the young man with asperger’s that I’m coaching. It ain’t so.

Deb Pollard sent me an article about the power of narrative in creating, maintaining, strengthening families with the power of narrative. I think it is an important, simple, primitive truth.
But before you click on the story, realize that in another but similar way, our own individual life is held together by a narrative. Our Enneagram style is fleshed out and made individual by the story we act out. This story is liminal – both conscious and partially unconscious. A really helpful exercise is to see if we can articulate the story we live out of.
Here’s the link to the article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/fashion/the-family-stories-that-bind-us-this-life.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&inf_contact_key=bf7820b6e9f50e437ee4fe7b9a8330d92bb395bc227f180252aff3f9f543bcbe&