One of the paradoxes of us humans and our Enneagram style is that we try to accomplish two opposing goals with the same techniques.

Our Enneagram style is, on one level, the way we learned as a child was the best way to gain the love of our family and friends. If we were Ones, we were virtuous and emotional sun shone on us.

However, being virtuous was also the way we succeeded and the way we maintained control. If I am right, it is clear we should do things right – my way. My way or the wrong way – you choose if you are willing to risk being evil.

This works for all styles. We try to gain love using the same strategies that we use to establish control.

Only problem: love and control are opposed to each other. When we try to gain both at the same time, we call that a “fixation.”

Relax. Cultivate some alternative strategies.