When negotiating with an eight, make sure she can repeat your position, because eights often don’t listen if they are angry. You must hold your position firmly, eights will pressure you as a way of getting at the truth. Truth is more visceral than cognitive at times, depending on the situation.
If you challenge an eight directly, they will often escalate, you’re better off trying for nuance and gradation; this overcomes their tendency to think in black and white.
When negotiating with a 7, get to the point quickly, then give details as you are asked for them. Sevens can be emotionally impatient and they may opt out if you load your approach with detail. Sevens will pay more attention to the possibilities than the problems, so emphasize accordingly.
When you are negotiating with style 6, the most important work is done before you get to the issues. If you start with the issues, they will look behind what you say to look for what you left out. So first establish trust. Nothing happens until they trust you. Once that is firmly in place you move on to sweet reason.
Information. Data. Statistics. Numbers.
Fives obey information like bees obey colors. Don’t get cute, don’t refer to your experience. When you negotiate with a Five, come prepared both with the big picture and the details that flesh it out. They don’t guesses or surprises. They will feel free to decide only when they are sure they have all the best and latest and vetted information.
When negotiating with a Four, you move from the objectivity of the One and Three and into the realm of the subjective. Tailor your request to the individual situation, not to a norm. Search for the emotional components of your partner — they may be very different from what you would expect. And when you reach an impasse, ask the style Four person for a creative solution – they find it hard to resist creativity, even if they have to provide it.
When negotiating with a style 3,your best bet is to focus on the measurable. Corporations are usually style three and you’ll notice that goals and achievements are sternly held to what can be measured. (That’s one reason things like morale are hard to deal with except in terms of turnover). Don’t appeal to ideals or emotional components; your best suit is what can be counted, weighed and paid. The corporatespeak talks like this with phrases like “results-oriented” and “evidence-based.”
When negotiating with a style 2, objectivity is not primary. It is important, but the primary concern will be to preserve the relationship. Twos will bend (and break small) rules if it will preserve the relationship. With style Ones it was all about objective fairness, but with style Two is about subjective feelings. “Does this feel fair to you,” rather than “This is fair.”
Let’s take a look at how to make a deal with each of the Enneagram styles. In more elevated terms, how do you bring out the best in each of the styles, especially if conflict is imminent or probable.
When negotiating with style One, your magic word is “fair.” Ones can move off a cherished position if they can be convinced it is fair. Don’t ask them to make trades or cut corners. They cherish the moral high ground, so unless you can find a way that feels fair to both sides, they cannot move.
I was invited to teach negotiation to a company. Standard. What was different was that I was offering the workshop to both management AND the unions. As a 7, I know how important it is how you frame a problem, so I defined negotiation as a search for justice. That’s also how I would frame a negotiation with a style One.
One touch of Nature makes the whole world kin. Shakespeare
Not to decide is to decide. Unknown
Between two stools, one sits on the ground. French proverb
With all beings and all things we shall be as relatives.
Sioux Indian saying
Ruling is easy, governing is difficult. Goethe
There is always room for a man of force and he makes room for many. Emerson
Men who are weak never give in when they should. Cardinal de Retz
(I chose this one because unhealthy eights will usually escalate if confronted.)
Everyone is talking about the vivid vulgar behavior of Donald Trump. Here is an Enneagram fine point. The intimate style of an 8 is expressed both in devotion and in ownership. Trump apparently is devoted to his family. His groping and walking in on teen-age undressed girls is not about sex or even erotic thrills. It’s about ownership. He walks in because he owns the show. He kisses women who don’t want to be kissed and will not give him affection. He kisses them to show them who is boss – that he owns them.